Game Rieview: Heavy Rain

It's story time children. Last year, while I was working as a security guard, I had a bit of a scuffle. In the end, I won, the bad guy lost, but I had injured my knee, and had to take a month off. I had just been paid and so I hobbled over to my local Game Stop and purchased three games: Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, Devil May Cry 4, and Heavy Rain.

I got home, and popped in MW2. After playing 10 minutes online I told multiplayer to fuck off and popped in DMC 4. That lasted me about an hour before I decided to play this game I had heard little about, but was interested enough to buy. Heavy Rain.

It started a bit slow. I had to wake my character up, have him shower, put on clothes, blah, blah, blah... It was a lot like a life sim, where I just had my character do everyday stuff. It was about as exciting as the story I told you in the above paragraph...

Then [ Spoiler Alert ] (but to be fair, it has been out for 2 years.) your kid dies.

Wow...

I mean, in this world of political correctness, having a kid die in the opening hour of a game. Quantic Dream, you... got... ballz!

I started playing at 5pm, and finally had to take a break at the half way point around 1am. The next day, I turned it on and played through the rest of the game.

Now Ive heard a lot of people rip on how "It's not really a game." or "All you do is Quick Time Events." Which is true. But I found that it added to the tension of the game. It was really hard to have to hold cretin buttons when trying to pull a gun on a guy. But then when you think about it, your guy DOESN'T want to be doing this. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, but if he does not complete the "mission" he is on, his other kid will die.

 When you have to hold down three buttons, and then use the control stick to saw off your fucking finger, I feel like I'm there.

It is amazing how immersed I got in this game. I WANTED to finish the game. I WANTED to save my kid. And in the end, when I got the bad ending and EVERYONE DIED, I felt as if I failed.

I love this fucking game.

If you haven't played it yet, go out and try it.

Quantic Dream has a new game coming out next year called Beyond: Two Souls, and I will be per-ordering it.

As I'm getting ready to finish up here I just realized I never told you all what kind of game Heavy Rain is. But you know what, I'm not going to. If you have a PS3, go play it. If you don't, then watch a Lets Play online or something, but please, experience this game in some way.

Here's to great games.

~AZ

Game Review: Never Dead

*Sigh*

 I try to keep an open mind when it comes to games. I mean, I play a lot of them, and they cant ALL be fantastic. Though, to be perfectly honest I think that's kinda bullshit. If you're going to spend years making a game, why not make it great?

But I digress.

Never Dead is a game released earlier this year by Rebellion Developments. The game is based around a man named Bryce, who was cursed by Astaroth, the King of the Demons, to never die.
 So you can tell the developers really worked hard on the name.
 Bryce now works for the government in modern day, to destroy demons, and get bossed around by a blond. (I cant remember her name because, well, shes really annoying and I hated her by the end of the game.)

The main gimmick of the game is that Bryce dose not die. Instead he loses his arms and legs and even his head. If that happens, you have to roll around to your body parts and *ahem* Pull yourself together.

 You can also pull off your arms and throw them with guns, meaning you can shoot. You cant kill anything, you can just shoot.

There are also puzzles where you pull your head off and use it to solve puzzles. The only problem with that is that there are little monsters that eat your head and if you don't win a quick time event it's game over. Also, Bryce never SHUTS THE FUCK UP when hes a head, and will spout the same lines over and over and over again as you roll around. Seriously, he says the same fucking line every five seconds. "Rollin, rollin, rollin. Hope this doesn't mess up my hair. Ive got a headache."
 SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

 There are plenty of good game elements here, but they are all handled poorly. You switch form guns, to swordplay...

Wait a minuet... That sounds familiar... Ill think of it, hang on...

Anyway, you fight demons, with a fast pace, with random rock music swelling up whenever the monsters pop up, and then fading to silence when all are... gone... Huh...

OH! I know! Its like Devil May Cry!

I'm serious. This game wants to be Devil May Cry so bad that it hurts. Bryce's character tries to be Dante so hard that it passes the line of homage, and turns into a horrible parody of him.

Never Dead isn't a good game. The voice acting is lame. When the token damsel in distress (who knows NOTHING about Bryce at this time) shouts the line "I HOPE YOU ARE CURSED FOREVER!" I cringe. Seriously? Cant they write like people actually speak?

This game made me want to take a nap after every chapter. And that is never a good thing to say about a game.


Until next time, keep on gaming.

Here's to gaming.

~AZ

Ninja Cowboys...

Why is this not a more popular thing!!!!